What I learned by reviewing 50 medical marijuana dispensaries in 50 days
by Jim Riley
The assignment was simple enough: obtain a medical marijuana recommendation from a “Pot Doc” and review 50 dispensaries for a cannabis-friendly website. Sure, I’m an expert. No, I’ve never really been inside a collective, but I’m the guy for the job!
I’m in. I’m your man. Sign me up. I can start today. Really, today’s cool.
I’m not going to be mentioning any real names of individuals or businesses I encountered on my visits. Not that anyone is doing anything illegal, but because the feds continue to randomly raid dispensaries, even after Attorney General Eric Holder announced 2 years ago that they had better things to do under the new administration. Holder’s claim was merely an echo of what Obama himself had declared a year earlier.
This is the “green elephant” in the room that keeps the medical marijuana industry on edge and a lot of investors on the sidelines scratching their chins. Would you invest your money to help a friend expand his thriving business if there’s a chance it could be shut down and all bank accounts frozen? Can the owner himself be expected to reinvest profits into making his storefront look nicer, even if he is better off burying those profits in his back yard, rather than risk having them seized? Until the feds knock it off for good, there won’t be the growth that one would expect from this emerging industry.
Pot Doc
I was provided a name and address of a doctor located in a large, older building not far from my home. No reservations were necessary (or available) so I filled out a lengthy questionnaire and people-watched in the large waiting room. The room was filled to capacity with patients of every age, race, nationality and gender. Some appeared to have something physically wrong with them and some looked like they were on their way to the skate-park. A woman to my right had a Chihuahua hidden under a blanket on her lap, which peeked out occasionally. I waited for about a half hour until my name was called, watching the patients scurry in and out of the doctor’s office at a fast clip.
The doctor appeared relatively concerned when I described my ailment, as I have a condition that is the cause of ongoing and annoying pain. He checked my vitals and asked me a few relevant questions and I was actually impressed. I went into the office expecting to have a doctor stare at his clipboard and read off a preset list of butt-covering statements. This was not the case and I am giving my “Pot Doc” a “C” grade overall. He could have earned a solid “B” if he hadn’t tried to sell me a $20 picture i.d. card at the end of our consultation. Real doctors don’t sell trinkets.
With my newly printed doctor’s recommendation in hand, I was entitled to purchase and grow medical marijuana for my personal use. In fact, I could also cultivate a small garden and supply my favorite collective with valuable herb to be resold to other patients. The problem is, the last time my wife went out of town to visit her mother, all the plants in the household died from lack of care, so a growing career is probably not in my future.
Mother Herb Patient Center
Armed with 6 addresses to dispensaries that were located near one another, I headed out on my first run to conduct reviews. It wasn’t until the 3rd place on the list that I was able to find one that was open. The first 2 resulted in finding a “for lease” sign and a massage parlor where the collectives were supposed to be. Victims of either raids or poor business management, a recurring theme of my travels would be finding out many shops were no longer in business. Often, dispensaries that had user-reviews online as recently as a couple of days ago, would be found abandoned.
Mother Herb was a nice place with music wafting through the waiting room and pretty girls running the show. This is what I would later come to refer to as a “hippie” joint. The vibe is straight out of an old head-shop and the chances of bumping into a patient in a wheelchair are slim. I filled out a few pages of required information while my doctor’s note is run through the system to assure I’m legit. I guess I’m legit and was lead to the dispensing area for my first look at what’s up.
Tina was chosen to be my Budmaid and eagerly showed me around the glass displays, each loaded with large glass containers of different strains. I had printed out a list of questions to take with me in order to appear like a real journalist and Tina helped me to fill in the blanks. There were over 40 different varieties to be had for the patient who requires a giant selection of meds to help with whatever ails them. There was also a refrigerator full of edible medicine, disguised as cookies, brownies and cakes.
I thanked Tina for her time and the free joint she gave me for being a first time patient.
With all the legal patients now able to grow their own weed and sell to collectives, there appears to be somewhat of a glut in the supply chain. No longer are vendors waiting anxiously for their professional suppliers to harvest their latest grow. Instead, dispensaries have a wide choice of growers to choose from and with this choice have come lower prices. Top-tier meds, once fetching over $4,000 a pound, can now be had for about $1,000 less. Have the collectives lowered their pricing to help the struggling patient and pass on the savings? Not according to a number of owners I spoke with. They each bitched about the quality going downhill, but that didn’t keep them from charging the same high rates as before.
Wellness Center For All
Located in a high-rent location, amongst outdoor cafes and designer fashion shops, Wellness Center had a sterile, professional feel to it. There aren’t ‘prices’ here, there are ‘donations’. Of course, this is the proper terminology at any collective, but no one else chooses to correct you every time you make the mistake. All customers are “patients” and all the weed is “medicine”. I have labeled these types of dispensaries, “Pharmacies”.
Possibly the best place to find top quality buds, pharmacies are all business and are quick to ask what ailments are bothering you. They don’t hesitate making recommendations on how to properly medicate, but promotions and specials are virtually non-existent. It’s possible to find your Budmaid resembles your great aunt Bertha. And yes, you just might run into a real patient shopping for relief.
Pharmacies are the most boring to review and to shop at. Sure, this is the type of establishment that was envisioned when the law was passed, and this is where you would want your mom to go, but given the choice between picking up an eighth of AK-47 from your aunt Bertha or chatting with Tina and her belly ring, most (hetero-male) patients would choose the latter.
A rumor on the street is that the recent raids by federal agents were targeting dispensaries that grew their own product. In fact there recently were 3 in a row located in the San Fernando Valley that fit this description, but 2 more have since been shut down that used outside growers. The inconsistency and randomness of legal marijuana collectives becoming targets of federal prosecution has the industry grasping for answers and speculating in ways to avoid being noticed.
Good luck selling ad space on a bus bench or ½ page spread in the local newspaper to owners of a pot shop. Paranoia runs deep and advertising outside of the internet appears to be taboo. Just the knowledge that a shop exists in their neighborhood sets off alarms in certain people and conventional advertising could be like waving a red flag in front of an angry bull. For now it appears best to keep the advertising dollars in alternative papers and Weedmaps.
‘My Friend’ Collective
The collective appeared out of place in the office building on a busy street corner. I don’t know why, but I was wary as I approached the door. I spoke with a twenty-something middle-eastern woman who wanted to know why I wanted to do a review of her dispensary. For the 4th time I repeated that I was reviewing 50 of them and they were next on my list. They are just fun, friendly reviews, I explained and it would be free advertising for the business. What appeared to be her father walked out with a sneer, demanding to see my doctor’s recommendation. I showed it to him and repeated my intentions. No! No reviews here! “Fuck you” I mumbled under my breath and left.
This was my first encounter with what is referred to in the industry as a “Russian Mafia” collective. When you are greeted with “My Friend” as you walk in a place, it is joked; you have found yourself in a Russian Mafia establishment. Although owners like the ass-wipe described above are alive and well, you have to be careful not to group all these dispensaries into one foul-smelling pile.
I visited several similar collectives that were nice, well-run places with friendly people and good medicine. In fact, I would say that many were friendlier and offered better deals than most of the places I reviewed. They were also very generous with ‘freebies’. This comes from old-school business practices that have worked for hundreds of years. How can you write a bad review when the owner just turned you on to 3 grams of different bud and a brownie to boot?
While I’m on the subject of freebies, let me share my thoughts on what I found as a roving weed-hound. If you own a collective and want to give a first time patient a free gift as an incentive, don’t give them a joint of trimmings that taste like shit and doesn’t medicate. It will achieve the opposite effect that you intended and will be discussed negatively with anyone the newbie comes in contact with. Rule of thumb – if you wouldn’t smoke it, you shouldn’t give it to a potential lifetime customer as a ‘thank you’.
The Los Angeles city council has been grasping with the best way to license and monitor marijuana collectives within their jurisdiction. They have done so in the most inconsistent and least effective ways possible. Here we are in 2011 and the situation is still not ironed out. There is word of a special ‘lottery’ where qualified collectives can throw their names (and livelihoods) into a hat, hoping to be ‘lucky’ enough to stay in business. Rather than let the free-market sort it all out, the council has decided it must thin the amount of dispensaries down to a number they have pulled out of their butts in order to appease constitutes that feel the high number of shops equate to a problem.
I wonder if the city council members have taken the effort to talk with nearby businesses and residential neighbors to see what the impact has actually been? If they choose the right location, they may stumble across neighbors who praise the dispensary down the street that took over an old liquor store, chased off the junkies that used to shoot up behind the building and in the process made the area safer and in all probability increased real estate values. These are the stories that the council won’t hear if they continue to sit behind the giant podium listening to the usual array of gadflies complaining about those ‘dope shops’.
Mom and Pop Herbal Remedies
Mom and Pop shops refer to collectives that apply a decent amount of effort in making the place look attractive and comfortable, maintaining a neutral vibe and generic feel. The budtender may well be an average-looking 40 year old running the place as he would if he owned a bicycle shop. They are one of the more common types of dispensaries and probably my personal favorite to visit. Chances are the owner’s life savings have been poured into the business and he is anxious to make a deal and develop relationships with new clientele. He is a businessman.
Jack showed me around his establishment with great attention to detail. Yes, I understand that all your medicine is grown without pesticides and that you give a percentage of profits to an orphanage in Bangladesh. It’s not that I don’t care about all the wonderful things you are doing, it’s just that I have other places to review.
Jack is another guy that you would feel comfortable sending your mother to for help. He is also a good enough business man to hire cute girls to work there, but Jack himself will probably be there every time you visit, because like I said before, he may have his life savings on the line.
There is one common thread that runs from dispensary to dispensary and owner to owner. Every owner that I asked replied that full legalization of marijuana would be bad for all involved. Interesting slant coming from pot-peddlers. Of course the real reason is clear and the idea that 7-11 would be selling pre-packaged ounces of OG for $50 is enough to make any dispensary owner cry in his bong.
Legalization may be coming up again next year in California (if the world doesn’t end) and I’m guessing it will pass this time. Where will that leave the dispensaries that are already in business? Will they merely have a head start and continue to be profitable? Will bigger investors that are sitting this one out, step up and reinvent the whole industry? Who’s going to finally invent marijuana-beer and become the next Bill Gates? The scenerios of present and future are full of question marks.
Party Time Green Collective
Steve’s a cool budtender in charge of a popular dispensary that mainly serves the needs of his own little world. His world is that of neighborhood patients and mostly younger, party-happy clientele. Mention you like the look of a certain bud and he’ll whip out a bong, stuff it with the weed in question and urge you to take a rip. In order to be a good host, Steve will take a hit himself, holding his breath for 15 minutes before exhaling a thunderstorm of smoke into the room.
Party collectives are always fun to visit. Why? Because after you check in and enter the dispensing room, it’s like you walked into a college dorm on a Saturday night. Everyone is visibly high and happy. Like going to your connection’s house to score some weed, only to find he has 60 varieties to choose from and it’s all legal.
I tip my hat to people like Steve, smoking from opening ‘til closing, yet able to conduct business like a pro.
San Diego has its share of struggles regarding the regulation and operation of dispensaries. All collectives in the city are being told to close their doors and apply for an operating permit, essentially shutting down all medical marijuana to patients during this period. The permit process could take up to a year to get straightened out.
Meanwhile, banks are being told to close or seize accounts of medical marijuana businesses. Operators have to shop for a bank that will take their money. Meanwhile some districts require dispensaries to promptly deposit their earnings on a regular basis to comply with existing regulations. The rules continue to change, but the left hand doesn’t know what the right is up to.
According to the Wall Street Journal, medical marijuana sales in the U.S. are set to top $1.7 billion in 2011. Unfortunately, much of the industry’s profits are being eaten up by red-tape, legal fees and self-preservation. Local governments appear unwilling or incapable of performing routine over-site of an industry that the majority of the citizens have voted for. These lethargic politicians could find themselves replaced by the same voters during the next election.
At this point, Californian’s are paying federal taxes to fund “drug raids” of our legal businesses and local taxes to pay salaries of inept city politicians that can’t govern a simple business sector without causing harm to the owners.
The way things stand now, there is no such thing as a truly legal medical marijuana dispensary in the United States.
The assignment was simple enough: obtain a medical marijuana recommendation from a “Pot Doc” and review 50 dispensaries for a cannabis-friendly website. Sure, I’m an expert. No, I’ve never really been inside a collective, but I’m the guy for the job!
I’m in. I’m your man. Sign me up. I can start today. Really, today’s cool.
I’m not going to be mentioning any real names of individuals or businesses I encountered on my visits. Not that anyone is doing anything illegal, but because the feds continue to randomly raid dispensaries, even after Attorney General Eric Holder announced 2 years ago that they had better things to do under the new administration. Holder’s claim was merely an echo of what Obama himself had declared a year earlier.
This is the “green elephant” in the room that keeps the medical marijuana industry on edge and a lot of investors on the sidelines scratching their chins. Would you invest your money to help a friend expand his thriving business if there’s a chance it could be shut down and all bank accounts frozen? Can the owner himself be expected to reinvest profits into making his storefront look nicer, even if he is better off burying those profits in his back yard, rather than risk having them seized? Until the feds knock it off for good, there won’t be the growth that one would expect from this emerging industry.
Pot Doc
I was provided a name and address of a doctor located in a large, older building not far from my home. No reservations were necessary (or available) so I filled out a lengthy questionnaire and people-watched in the large waiting room. The room was filled to capacity with patients of every age, race, nationality and gender. Some appeared to have something physically wrong with them and some looked like they were on their way to the skate-park. A woman to my right had a Chihuahua hidden under a blanket on her lap, which peeked out occasionally. I waited for about a half hour until my name was called, watching the patients scurry in and out of the doctor’s office at a fast clip.
The doctor appeared relatively concerned when I described my ailment, as I have a condition that is the cause of ongoing and annoying pain. He checked my vitals and asked me a few relevant questions and I was actually impressed. I went into the office expecting to have a doctor stare at his clipboard and read off a preset list of butt-covering statements. This was not the case and I am giving my “Pot Doc” a “C” grade overall. He could have earned a solid “B” if he hadn’t tried to sell me a $20 picture i.d. card at the end of our consultation. Real doctors don’t sell trinkets.
With my newly printed doctor’s recommendation in hand, I was entitled to purchase and grow medical marijuana for my personal use. In fact, I could also cultivate a small garden and supply my favorite collective with valuable herb to be resold to other patients. The problem is, the last time my wife went out of town to visit her mother, all the plants in the household died from lack of care, so a growing career is probably not in my future.
Mother Herb Patient Center
Armed with 6 addresses to dispensaries that were located near one another, I headed out on my first run to conduct reviews. It wasn’t until the 3rd place on the list that I was able to find one that was open. The first 2 resulted in finding a “for lease” sign and a massage parlor where the collectives were supposed to be. Victims of either raids or poor business management, a recurring theme of my travels would be finding out many shops were no longer in business. Often, dispensaries that had user-reviews online as recently as a couple of days ago, would be found abandoned.
Mother Herb was a nice place with music wafting through the waiting room and pretty girls running the show. This is what I would later come to refer to as a “hippie” joint. The vibe is straight out of an old head-shop and the chances of bumping into a patient in a wheelchair are slim. I filled out a few pages of required information while my doctor’s note is run through the system to assure I’m legit. I guess I’m legit and was lead to the dispensing area for my first look at what’s up.
Tina was chosen to be my Budmaid and eagerly showed me around the glass displays, each loaded with large glass containers of different strains. I had printed out a list of questions to take with me in order to appear like a real journalist and Tina helped me to fill in the blanks. There were over 40 different varieties to be had for the patient who requires a giant selection of meds to help with whatever ails them. There was also a refrigerator full of edible medicine, disguised as cookies, brownies and cakes.
I thanked Tina for her time and the free joint she gave me for being a first time patient.
With all the legal patients now able to grow their own weed and sell to collectives, there appears to be somewhat of a glut in the supply chain. No longer are vendors waiting anxiously for their professional suppliers to harvest their latest grow. Instead, dispensaries have a wide choice of growers to choose from and with this choice have come lower prices. Top-tier meds, once fetching over $4,000 a pound, can now be had for about $1,000 less. Have the collectives lowered their pricing to help the struggling patient and pass on the savings? Not according to a number of owners I spoke with. They each bitched about the quality going downhill, but that didn’t keep them from charging the same high rates as before.
Wellness Center For All
Located in a high-rent location, amongst outdoor cafes and designer fashion shops, Wellness Center had a sterile, professional feel to it. There aren’t ‘prices’ here, there are ‘donations’. Of course, this is the proper terminology at any collective, but no one else chooses to correct you every time you make the mistake. All customers are “patients” and all the weed is “medicine”. I have labeled these types of dispensaries, “Pharmacies”.
Possibly the best place to find top quality buds, pharmacies are all business and are quick to ask what ailments are bothering you. They don’t hesitate making recommendations on how to properly medicate, but promotions and specials are virtually non-existent. It’s possible to find your Budmaid resembles your great aunt Bertha. And yes, you just might run into a real patient shopping for relief.
Pharmacies are the most boring to review and to shop at. Sure, this is the type of establishment that was envisioned when the law was passed, and this is where you would want your mom to go, but given the choice between picking up an eighth of AK-47 from your aunt Bertha or chatting with Tina and her belly ring, most (hetero-male) patients would choose the latter.
A rumor on the street is that the recent raids by federal agents were targeting dispensaries that grew their own product. In fact there recently were 3 in a row located in the San Fernando Valley that fit this description, but 2 more have since been shut down that used outside growers. The inconsistency and randomness of legal marijuana collectives becoming targets of federal prosecution has the industry grasping for answers and speculating in ways to avoid being noticed.
Good luck selling ad space on a bus bench or ½ page spread in the local newspaper to owners of a pot shop. Paranoia runs deep and advertising outside of the internet appears to be taboo. Just the knowledge that a shop exists in their neighborhood sets off alarms in certain people and conventional advertising could be like waving a red flag in front of an angry bull. For now it appears best to keep the advertising dollars in alternative papers and Weedmaps.
‘My Friend’ Collective
The collective appeared out of place in the office building on a busy street corner. I don’t know why, but I was wary as I approached the door. I spoke with a twenty-something middle-eastern woman who wanted to know why I wanted to do a review of her dispensary. For the 4th time I repeated that I was reviewing 50 of them and they were next on my list. They are just fun, friendly reviews, I explained and it would be free advertising for the business. What appeared to be her father walked out with a sneer, demanding to see my doctor’s recommendation. I showed it to him and repeated my intentions. No! No reviews here! “Fuck you” I mumbled under my breath and left.
This was my first encounter with what is referred to in the industry as a “Russian Mafia” collective. When you are greeted with “My Friend” as you walk in a place, it is joked; you have found yourself in a Russian Mafia establishment. Although owners like the ass-wipe described above are alive and well, you have to be careful not to group all these dispensaries into one foul-smelling pile.
I visited several similar collectives that were nice, well-run places with friendly people and good medicine. In fact, I would say that many were friendlier and offered better deals than most of the places I reviewed. They were also very generous with ‘freebies’. This comes from old-school business practices that have worked for hundreds of years. How can you write a bad review when the owner just turned you on to 3 grams of different bud and a brownie to boot?
While I’m on the subject of freebies, let me share my thoughts on what I found as a roving weed-hound. If you own a collective and want to give a first time patient a free gift as an incentive, don’t give them a joint of trimmings that taste like shit and doesn’t medicate. It will achieve the opposite effect that you intended and will be discussed negatively with anyone the newbie comes in contact with. Rule of thumb – if you wouldn’t smoke it, you shouldn’t give it to a potential lifetime customer as a ‘thank you’.
The Los Angeles city council has been grasping with the best way to license and monitor marijuana collectives within their jurisdiction. They have done so in the most inconsistent and least effective ways possible. Here we are in 2011 and the situation is still not ironed out. There is word of a special ‘lottery’ where qualified collectives can throw their names (and livelihoods) into a hat, hoping to be ‘lucky’ enough to stay in business. Rather than let the free-market sort it all out, the council has decided it must thin the amount of dispensaries down to a number they have pulled out of their butts in order to appease constitutes that feel the high number of shops equate to a problem.
I wonder if the city council members have taken the effort to talk with nearby businesses and residential neighbors to see what the impact has actually been? If they choose the right location, they may stumble across neighbors who praise the dispensary down the street that took over an old liquor store, chased off the junkies that used to shoot up behind the building and in the process made the area safer and in all probability increased real estate values. These are the stories that the council won’t hear if they continue to sit behind the giant podium listening to the usual array of gadflies complaining about those ‘dope shops’.
Mom and Pop Herbal Remedies
Mom and Pop shops refer to collectives that apply a decent amount of effort in making the place look attractive and comfortable, maintaining a neutral vibe and generic feel. The budtender may well be an average-looking 40 year old running the place as he would if he owned a bicycle shop. They are one of the more common types of dispensaries and probably my personal favorite to visit. Chances are the owner’s life savings have been poured into the business and he is anxious to make a deal and develop relationships with new clientele. He is a businessman.
Jack showed me around his establishment with great attention to detail. Yes, I understand that all your medicine is grown without pesticides and that you give a percentage of profits to an orphanage in Bangladesh. It’s not that I don’t care about all the wonderful things you are doing, it’s just that I have other places to review.
Jack is another guy that you would feel comfortable sending your mother to for help. He is also a good enough business man to hire cute girls to work there, but Jack himself will probably be there every time you visit, because like I said before, he may have his life savings on the line.
There is one common thread that runs from dispensary to dispensary and owner to owner. Every owner that I asked replied that full legalization of marijuana would be bad for all involved. Interesting slant coming from pot-peddlers. Of course the real reason is clear and the idea that 7-11 would be selling pre-packaged ounces of OG for $50 is enough to make any dispensary owner cry in his bong.
Legalization may be coming up again next year in California (if the world doesn’t end) and I’m guessing it will pass this time. Where will that leave the dispensaries that are already in business? Will they merely have a head start and continue to be profitable? Will bigger investors that are sitting this one out, step up and reinvent the whole industry? Who’s going to finally invent marijuana-beer and become the next Bill Gates? The scenerios of present and future are full of question marks.
Party Time Green Collective
Steve’s a cool budtender in charge of a popular dispensary that mainly serves the needs of his own little world. His world is that of neighborhood patients and mostly younger, party-happy clientele. Mention you like the look of a certain bud and he’ll whip out a bong, stuff it with the weed in question and urge you to take a rip. In order to be a good host, Steve will take a hit himself, holding his breath for 15 minutes before exhaling a thunderstorm of smoke into the room.
Party collectives are always fun to visit. Why? Because after you check in and enter the dispensing room, it’s like you walked into a college dorm on a Saturday night. Everyone is visibly high and happy. Like going to your connection’s house to score some weed, only to find he has 60 varieties to choose from and it’s all legal.
I tip my hat to people like Steve, smoking from opening ‘til closing, yet able to conduct business like a pro.
San Diego has its share of struggles regarding the regulation and operation of dispensaries. All collectives in the city are being told to close their doors and apply for an operating permit, essentially shutting down all medical marijuana to patients during this period. The permit process could take up to a year to get straightened out.
Meanwhile, banks are being told to close or seize accounts of medical marijuana businesses. Operators have to shop for a bank that will take their money. Meanwhile some districts require dispensaries to promptly deposit their earnings on a regular basis to comply with existing regulations. The rules continue to change, but the left hand doesn’t know what the right is up to.
According to the Wall Street Journal, medical marijuana sales in the U.S. are set to top $1.7 billion in 2011. Unfortunately, much of the industry’s profits are being eaten up by red-tape, legal fees and self-preservation. Local governments appear unwilling or incapable of performing routine over-site of an industry that the majority of the citizens have voted for. These lethargic politicians could find themselves replaced by the same voters during the next election.
At this point, Californian’s are paying federal taxes to fund “drug raids” of our legal businesses and local taxes to pay salaries of inept city politicians that can’t govern a simple business sector without causing harm to the owners.
The way things stand now, there is no such thing as a truly legal medical marijuana dispensary in the United States.
